Maybe I shouldn't be feeling this way about the person. She's been there for me through tough times. Good and bad, actually. But shying away from the truth on this blog would almost equate to lying to myself--I wish there could be more things I'm not afraid of telling people to their faces. It would make me feel less of a coward to tell people what I truly feel about them. Do I find their eyebrows ugly? Do I hate them on Facebook because I secretly love them too much--and seeing their silence online makes me miss them so much?
The truth I want to tell this person is far deeper than those mentioned above. I believe it was along the lines of "She goes everywhere, but she's too lazy to go to youth." I'm not sure. I wasn't there to hear it for myself. How can I be sure she said it?
How can I be sure of anything anyway?
Well, true, I wasn't emotionally capable of facing people that night. I did have plans to go, though. It just didn't feel right--how mingling with people I don't feel like I have a connection with could, for a few hours, feel okay. It shouldn't be okay, to say the least. I'm not supposed to like doing that.
I didn't want to see anyone either. I could try to open up to a few people--try to make friends and hope they'd understand my condition, but that's gonna take a lot of time I'm sure. Because of that, I don't think I'm ready to get emotionally attached to anyone as of yet. Yeah I'm tough, strong-willed, etc. but guess what, it takes so much courage for me to get myself to open up to someone. I go on thinking "I must be crazy for doing this, but what if it turns out okay?" Before I completely shut doors from the world, I did want to give "talking to people" one last shot--because it just might work out.
I shouldn't lie. I did get quite offended by what she said, though I must understand there are also some truths to it.
Truths:
1. People aren't perfect. Their opinions may not always be correct. That's why they're called opinions. They're not to be believed all the time.
2. People hurt. In whatever way you'd wanna read that statement, yes they do.
3. Lying to myself could be the worst crime ever invented by my mind.
