Sir G.

My poetry professor passed away last month. The alliteration isn't intentional. When I attended his funeral, I didn't cry.  When he died, I didn't even know about it right away. Something about his sudden passing felt rather fictional, and it wasn't that I didn't want to believe it. I just couldn't. So I didn't cry. And how could I? When I went to his funeral, I saw my crush's parents' names on the guestbook. I signed below their names. Though I felt terrible knowing the tendencies of my mischievous heart could lead me to feeling all kinds of happy things in unhappy times, I still wonder how--in spite of the event at hand--I couldn't get myself to physically cry. I'm not all that optimistic to always feel happy about everything. I cry, too. I cried when I failed creative writing. I cried about crushes who didn't like me back--and for crushes I could never see again. I cry not knowing why, how, and without question.

Today, I understand full well that he is gone. The emails I've sent him a long time ago--those emails about poetry and musings he promised to reply to--still lie somewhere inside by mail box, not replied to. He still hadn't heard me sing or see me achieve those writer dreams I once told him about or read my ars poetica--yet somehow, I still want to pursue all those things because we once talked about them and because I know he once looked forward to witnessing me do all those things.

Next month, his family will be holding his 30th day funeral at a church very near my place. I'll attend that one. Must I perform in that one? Read a poem or sing something?

It's not even a question of "do I want to" anymore, or of moral obligation. There's no reason to or for this. I will because he'd read us poems before. He taught us Sonnet 94, which became my favorite sonnet. I used to think 18 or 116 were the good ones--but no, 94 is a thousand times better, even better than 48, one of my first loves, and 15, my first love. Or maybe it could be 15's equal.

I've never read him anything.

The World that Made Our World (random thoughts on history)

Take a look at these past modern-day affairs. On the eleventh of September 2011, two planes flew into the towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, another plane hit the Pentagon outside Washington D.C., and a fourth plane crashed on a field in Pennsylvania. Thousands of people died from the attacks that day. The question of what might have caused this phenomenon raises further questions. Could it have been the much-awaited result of Nostradamus’ pop-culture prediction several centuries ago—or could it have been the scheming of another ill-gotten sociopath? What about a religious group and an even bigger civilization?

And by the way, any panorama view of the Tiananmen Square today would behold a picturesque scenery, a beautiful sight that evokes nothing but feelings of calmness and fortitude. Nine years before its restoration in 1990, however, one of the most important historical events in Chinese history took place in this site. Thousands of civilians died during the people revolution there—and the dilemma of where to pinpoint such a drastic happening is explainable by nothing but history and the dynastic cycles that came before the revolution.

Today, we are familiar with ancient texts like the Ramayana and Mahabharata from the Harappan Civilization—but did you know that these two works were formed even before the first system of writing was developed? Simultaneously in a different part of the world, two other significant bodies of text, the Iliad and the Odyssey, were recorded from oral tradition. The popularization of these epic poems by Homer has greatly influenced the development of world literature since their time, such that the works of art of one too many may not escape into the hands of viewers or readers without first being splattered over with textual references from the Greeks. In similar fashion, one must never forget that while these few notable works had the benefit of preservation across time, many have been lost, and many do not find themselves in today’s canons and archives because civilizations have either burnt them away or failed to retrieve them. In 213 B.C. during the Qin Dynasty, for example, the burning of books and burying of scholars caused the loss of several philosophical writings.

Ancient literature, systems of writing, political systems, ancient artifacts, religion, culture, and other notable inventions and developments would not be in existence today without the dynamism of the ancient world. The influences of these ancient civilizations continue to expand and shape the cultures and networks of our present-day world—we continue to build today’s world because our predecessors, those brave men and women who fought and have gone before us, have laid the foundations of life for us in our stead. In the modern world we live, we are in constant improvement of the many things they have started; we continue to develop what they have first developed because the modern man cannot go without remembering history as a way of improving strong suits and correcting errors.

In his TED speech, Nathan Myhrvold, one of the world’s most well-known professional jack-of-all-trades—he is the co-founder of the private-owned company Intellectual Ventures, one of the authors of the cookbook Modernist Cuisine, a wildlife photographer, a volcano explorer, and with several other exciting titles one can name another—told the audience, “One of the things that I love to do is travel around the world and look at archaeological sites. Because archaeology gives us an opportunity to study past civilizations, and see where they succeeded and where they failed.” We know about early Egyptian architecture and their belief in the afterlife because we have seen Egyptian pyramids, whether in pictures or in real life. After the discovery of Terracotta Army in 1974 by peasant farmers, we can now have a glimpse into the kind of life people lived during the Qin Dynasty, as well as the belief systems of their late emperor. We have learned, from this dynasty’s mistakes, that a greed for power and immortality only leads to one’s own defeat. The study of these civilizations teach us about the ways of the past. More importantly, learning about these civilizations will give us insight into how people once triumphed after periods of recesses, or after failure, so that in our own  similar encounters we may look back and subsequently make better decisions to improve life for the next.

Let us then learn more about these ancient civilizations and be mesmerized by the wonders and travails of the world our ancestors traveled by—the world that made our world.

Essay Answers: ASEAN Youth Summit 2015

Why do you want to participate in the ASEAN Youth Summit 2015?

• “ASEAN Integration" has been the buzzword for the longest time now. Two years ago, my professor showed a video detailing a prediction on the 2015 ASEAN integration, wherein by that year, the ten member ASEAN countries will become a single market. The prediction seemed unrealistic, and the thought of looking at this region as one country once did not come across as feasible, knowing that diversity of policies, incentives, and tariff barriers can become a roadblock to this initiative. However, my country has also slowly been adjusting itself to meet this vision's needs. One way by which the country has been improving is seen through its efforts in trying to achieve the UN's eight Millennium Development Goals. I have personally witnessed how these efforts by institutions, organizations, and volunteers (fellow students, teachers, staff) have changed communities and lives for the better. Initiatives like these have also encouraged students like myself to be socially responsible, active, vigilant, and involved. I would like to participate in the ASEAN Youth Summit 2015 because I want to learn, participate, and share my ideas or react on current ASEAN-related issues. I know that this event will be an avenue for networking and collaboration; and as such, I would like to meet and learn from individuals who share the same vision of a better ASEAN.

What does it take to be an ASEAN student leader?

• It takes courage, humility, honesty, hard work, and good sportsmanship to be a good ASEAN student leader. While research and involvement are necessary, people relation is what counts as very important. In times of challenges and difficult situations, a strong leader is one who can stand up for a group of people, lead a group to a direction, help find solutions, and listen well while maintaining said qualities. It goes without saying that a good leader is one whom people can look up to and follow.

What is an observable and relevant youth issue in your country or in other ASEAN nations that needs to be addressed and resolved? Why?

- The issues of poverty and the unavailability of education in many regions and sectors in my country, remain two of the most pressing and observable issues that have to be resolved right away for reasons that cannot be ignored: (1) a considerable sector of the Philippine population still lies below the poverty line, (2) children grow up fast, and (3) these people, especially women and children, often become victims of abuse.

Two days ago inside the train, I overheard an old woman verbally assaulting a pregnant young mom who was carrying a really thin baby and was with another daughter beside her. The old woman rebuked the young mom for being too naive and susceptible, consequently putting the latter in such an embarrassing situation inside the train among other passengers. This issues of poverty, of teenage pregnancy, and of inaccessible education, are youth issues that are unfortunately common in my country today.

Daily, I see impoverished children and families outside the gates of my university and along the sidewalk. It is a disturbing reality that outside the gates of the university, there exists people who grow up unlearned and unknowing of how much better a life could be. On the contrary, I have met students inside the university who take their privileges for granted. Poverty is an issue which I think should not affect an individual's right to education. While public schools are there to address this issue in some areas, I am aware that some of these schools lack teachers and funding by the government, and some provinces do not yet have any of these.

Who the f*ck are you, Mr. Brightside???

“Brightside di Vita”

Something like this happens and you start making sense of fragments of your life that once were just unclear pictures: you say "Hi, I'm a literature major; I keep a secret blog. I'm a closet writer. The bulk of my writings are unseen and unheard of."

You realize that you have just revealed a secret of a secret blog to strangers--you suddenly hear noise and imaginably a grumbling of distant murmurs that sound like "hey, if that's a secret, then it's a secret no longer now!!!" In a split second you feel your brain simultaneously zapping in and out of reality as if the reality of your presence and of your having told the secret had just happened in dream state. All at once you ground yourself by pinching your arm--and when you notice the fresh henna on that arm that write "ITALIA," you then silently confirm consciousness and then start recalling every single bit of event that took place in the experience of being there and of having told a really stupid secret. And to make things more exciting, your self introduction brings you somewhere close to superspace. A boy beside you appears in limelight and says "I know you, huckleberryjane."

Incidentally, your blog's name is also "huckleberryjane;" and so you turn red. This boy, your age, would be driving you home two hours after that, but nothing of that sort crosses your mind at that point, because you are still at a state of shock. You wonder how he knew you. And he actually lives near you, too, and you do not know that until after you ask if you could ride and after he brings you home that night. Your head, full of thoughts, is also unable to properly comprehend the blend of feeling poetry and feeling shrugged (to be explained). Yes, you were in an adult's writing workshop and the finest place to find interesting people you think you relate with. (You've always loved the atmosphere of being with adults. You can thrive in a kind of community, and so you think.)

You face him with a puzzled look on your face and ask, "How'd you know me?"

He would just laugh. He would laugh the best laugh of his life and with no inkling of your stark confusion at the moment. This is when you first catch fragments of your life along paths of your fractured memory--and you have no idea how those memories came about or why you still carry them with you after all this time. You just know that when something like that happens, naturalization comes after. You try to piece him into every conceivable place you've been to in your life and wonder where it was that you have really met him. High school? No. College? No. Summer camps? No. China study tour? No. Nothing rings a bell.

You ask him one more time. He reveals himself an old tutormate. Now how could you have not remembered, right?

You wouldn't. Of course you wouldn't. And even if you knew most of the people there by name, you barely talked to them. You barely talked to anyone in tutor, remember? You liked the company of your books; and your teachers made great friends.

Or at least not after all that you have been through with men.

To say the least, men have not always treated you well and you secretly have been longing for some kind of a breakthrough. You could name a few guys now: Promiscuity, Apathy, Cynic, Arrogance, and Narcissist.

You just couldn't care less. That night, you get his first name stuck in your head. The first thing you do when you get home is look him up on Facebook. Ah, Brightside di Vita. You've been Facebook friends with Brightside for nearly three years and you didn't even know. You slump on your bed in embarrassment and bury your face under pillows. You suddenly feel shrugged by the memories that keep coming. Brightside's high school friends--other men--hadn't been the nicest people to you. Basically, you've lived almost your entire teenage life feeling a kind of disdain for men. You've often dreamed of love and marrying, but fear always got in the way of that. You tell yourself not to worry, but your memory has this strange habit of wanting to remember sad things over and over again: that you've had a hurtful past with men, and that you'll never get things easy with men because...you just can't.

Realization: so maybe the reason you barely talked to anyone in tutor is that. Your memory keeps bugging you. Oh wait, but there seems to be some kind of a discrepancy here. You talk too much. You couldn't have "not talked" to anyone. Of course you talked to people. You talked to everyone but Brightside and people from his school. Because they made fun of you. Because they called you ugly. Because they.

You feel even more shrugged when at last you wonder if Brightside were ever involved in that old affair. You hope not. No, Brightside's way too nice to hurt anyone; and you keep telling yourself that (1) because it's comforting to think so and (2) because you just really hope not.

Not when you're aching to somehow feel your life open up again.